Sacred Independance

Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?

While Jesus hung on the cross he called out to his father and asked; "Why have you forgotten me?"

When I meditate on that I consider how close these two were. The relationship between father and son, between creator and creation is as close as any relationship can get. This particular relationship is extremely special; it IS indivisible, and in fact, the Holy Trinity indicates that the relationship between father, son and spirit is one in the same person - there is no greater intimacy in existence.

So even at the moment of great pain and trouble, a loving relationship is allowed to be severed, crushed and allowed to perish.

The omnipotent Father knew the greatest sacrifice known on Earth had to take place - independently.

This sacred independence was a blessing; the savior was demonstrating how to stand alone, to give alone, to be at liberty to make that gift of self.

There have been times in my life when I have grown, moved forward, made progress in being the best version of myself I was created to be. When I reflect on those times of progress, it has never been at a glamorous time, surrounded by friends and stardust in a sanitized place, it has been at the darkest, ugliest moments - moments of sorrow, shame. The people in my life that helped me the most, were the people who abandoned me - they walked away and allowed me to stand up or continue to fall. This may seem cruel, but in my personal experience, it was a great gift of empowerment.

Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?  Father, why have you abandoned me?

Learning to stand on my own, care for myself, and learn who I wanted to be, took place at the times when I learned 'its okay to be me - even in failures, even with shortcomings....I am okay and I mean to be the best version of "me" I was created to be'.

I recently saw the movie Bohemian Rhapsody and in the movie one of the characters, living life with abandon and gluttony, had a conversation with someone that truly loved him. That person was quoted as saying "Come back and see me when you learn to love yourself".

How do we learn to love and accept who we are? It is a question that I reflected on today and the answer in my heart took me to the greatest day of Sacred Independence ever known on Earth.

God loved us. God created us. If we cannot learn to accept and love ourselves, we are telling the creator that we know better than He does. If we cannot learn that 'its okay to be who we are' than how can we ask anyone else to accept and love us?

Of course, God's love is perfect. We are not perfect. I am not perfect, you are not perfect. We do not communicate perfectly, and certainly don't have it all figured out yet (and probably won't have it figured out until we are 'over the rainbow' with God).

Our job is to be kind, seek first to understand, and have sacred independence.  If we cannot love ourselves, relying on someone else to love us will leave us feeling empty. I believe that when we are able to accept ourselves as human, and accept others for what they are; human, we will find the greatest love, peace, and mobility to progress in our journey here.

Learning to love is step one, loving with perfection...that is the journey. 

Peroid.Gets.Angry

I was reading a couple articles lately about punctuation in social media and I was intrigued.

The reason I was reading these articles was that I was confused about recent texts, chats, and Facebook comments that included periods instead of exclamations or nothing at all. I have a relative that uses two periods .. instead of one after every sentence and a double space. I get really confused about whether or not this person meant to put three, as in an ellipsis ... or whether or not they had a stutter on a cell phone communication or what it was. The fact is, this person uses the double dot .. almost all the time. So I just wrote it off as 'their way'.

There are other confusing punctuation marks that pop up in social media posts all the time, one of which is the period.between.words.

This usage also confuses me as it creates hyperlinks on text messages on my phone app and makes them message hard to even follow.  So I researched this and sure enough, there are articles about punctuation and social media.

It is harder than ever to communicate in our world with less face-to-face time. We use our faces to express 90 percent of what we mean to say. Without our faces, there is a LOT left for interpretation!

I used an exclamation point there because I am anxious about that situation because I am trying to interpret the spirit of the message and its sincerity.

I strive for honest interactions and at the same time I try to be sensitive to the person I am communicating with. If I feel that what I need to say could be mistaken, I try not to use social media or text of any kind (email, SMS text, messaging etc.) and opt instead for the phone or a personal meeting.

Our society has been so greatly affected by social media and texting and the smart phone that I am flustered and lost when it comes to communication some times. I realize this is my problem and not the problem of everyone else. I want the people that I come across in my daily living to know its okay to be exactly who they are, and if they want to use extra punctuation they have the liberty to do so!

I am learning and growing to love and accept everyone as they are. All of this reflection because of mistaken communications? Yes, and its all worth it.

Here is a good article that describes what I have learned.

12 Days of Christmas - Happy Birthday

One year I remember hearing on a radio station something about Christmas being a big birthday party. It struck a cord in my heart...Why are we gathered together giving gifts? Some say we gather and give birthday gifts, other say we are imitating the wisemen in bringing the gifts to the babe Jesus.

A new family tradition was born at our house. I decided that every Christmas, for me, it was a birthday party. 'Twas the birthday of a king' is one of my favorite Christmas hymns. I am not sure when it came to be, but we started to hang a birthday banner on our tree on Christmas morning. That banner is not unlike the ones you buy at the party store and simply says "Happy Birthday". We hang it across our tree like garland. Many have asked us whose birthday we are celebrating, and while my nieces birthday is December 22nd, we always say we are celebrating Jesus' birthday at our house!
The banner I used this year was a hand-made one from a few years ago. It is as humble as the nativity.
I hope you are able to celebrate - however you celebrate. It is a time of joy! Imagine that chubby baby face...how healthy--how jubilant, how hopeful....these are the things I wish for every Christmas.

12 Days of Christmas - Silly String

We are silly - yeah, we have fun and act stupid. On one particular Christmas morning, Ben had gotten Spiderman web shooting gloves and the kids had a blast covering each other with 'web', which was silly string. Ever since that Christmas, (I think it was around 2001) we have had 'silly string' as the inauguration of our morning. We continue to still have this tradition for the start of the Christmas morning (yes, even as adults)! This ritual often takes us outside into the cold yard in pajamas. In the photo to the right, (about 2010) you will see that we did not go outside that Morning! (It is actually very easy to clean up silly string with the vacuum.)

In lots of ways, its fun to consider the simple wonder and joy children have at Christmas. Christmas is toys and happiness for children. It give us an excuse to play even when we grow up. Greg and I give each other at least one toy every Christmas to perpetuate this sentiment.

I have brought the 'silly string' tradition to other families...This year JC's family and Allen and I played 'silly string tag' in front of their house. I just love the simplest of joys at Christmas.

12 Days of Christmas - Winter Solstice

Close your eyes, be still.
Abandon the moment
Feel your breath, your heart in silence
allow a peace to grow inside.
Slowly, calmly in a regal way, lift up your eyes and see
there is peace, yes, it's here -
at this most precious time of year.

Happy Solstice
A blessed Christmas
a Joyful Season,
no matter what you celebrate...
celebrate YOU,
and know you are a divine gift!

12 Days of Christmas - Teachers

Not ready to take the exam? In my educational career, I have asked two times to delay taking a test; once with my German Teacher in High School and once with my Social Statistics Teacher at the university.

Jose Malvern Weill was an excellent German teacher and helped my family even after I graduated. He split his German Language class period time between German I, II, & III. Since I was the only Level III student, my curriculum was self-paced. Together, we set target goals to cover vocabulary and learning and I also mentored the other students.

One time I came to class knowing I had an exam, after the first couple of questions, I became aware that I had not prepared enough for the exam. I announced to Mr. Weill; "I am not ready" and he immediately closed his book, and collected my paper. No questions, no hesitation and rescheduled.

My holiday card for Mr. Weill was returned to me this year, with the word 'DECEASED' written on it.

The only other time I have implored a special consideration for an exam delay was at SDSU. It was my FINAL EXAM for a Statistics class. I had some pretty serious social issues going on and while I had actually attended most of the lectures, I was not ready for the final exam. I went to class on the day of the exam and asked the teacher before he entered the classroom "Can I please take the final exam with one of your other sections of STATS that meet later in the week?" He told me 'no' but he was willing to give me an appointment for an 'office hours' administration of the final exam. I was extremely relieved and humbled that he gave me that allowance.  I don't know how I did on the final exam, but at least I did pass the class. Having that class credit was actually a lynch-pin for the degree I would eventually get later in life. I am no mathematician.

Not prepared? Most of us are not... for anything. We can push on anyway. Advent is a preparation time. How am I preparing to be able to push on? I need and want to focus on my job for being here on this planet; To be joyful. The first part of that job is completed - I have addressed some physical pain. I was never aware more of how much impact pain has on every day interactions. Its hard to be joyful when we are hurting. Same goes for all kinds of pain or heartache, heartbreaks and sorrow. Hurt people, hurt people. I am not prepared for joy today, but I will remember that when I am hurt by environment, or physical limitations, my hurt should not hurt others.
I thank those teachers - they made a difference for my life. I watched the latest Star Wars movie and the best line in the movie, I think, is this: Mistakes are the best teachers. Yes, I am grateful for mistakes. I also hope to prepare my heart for the exuberant joy, the overflowing joyfulness, that it was made to feel and bring to this planet. Christmas is a great time to prepare.

12 Days of Christmas - Harry Potter Book

This is a classic Christmas family memory. One year my daughter found our "Christmas Gift List". We had written down gifts we had purchased and the dollar amount so that we could keep track of spending. On it was written "Harry Potter Book" $25. My daughter found the list before Christmas and confessed that she "didn't want anything that wasn't on her list".

Veronica didn't ask for a Harry Potter book, but she went on to be the president of the "Harry Potter Club" at the university and happens to have many, many collectibles. In fact, I laugh as I write this because indeed, this year, she ASKED for Harry Potter books.

It is quite the family joke these days; Veronica will ask "Mom, did you buy me anything from my list?" I always tease her with my answer: "NO, I only bought you Harry Potter Books!"

12 Days of Christmas - God Calling

One of the things that I remember hearing about the visions of the Blessed Virgin Mary from the children of Medjugorie is that they related about how more souls enter heaven on Christmas Day, than on any other day of the year. I thought about how many of my neighbors do not celebrate Christmas. I thought about what "Christmas" was for a moment, just like the Grinch did when he realized it was not 'in a package'...

Christmas-time is a magic time of year. Although sometimes I get a little bummed about the commercialism and consumerism, I also think about the hearts of the people, at least for this one time of year, trying to be a little more calm, and a little more gentle with each other. Patience is definitely a virtue that is grown at the 'Holidays'. Of all that is celebrated at the holidays - Hannukah, Kwanzaa, New Year, End of Year....these things bring us together, and sometimes it punctuates the ones that are not with us, and sometimes it helps us to see those that have very little. Do you think this is why so many souls enter heaven on Christmas Day? Perhaps it is for all the love we share and the true gifts of kindness, prayer and memories we have participated in and created for our families during 'the holidays' - so many gifts of true love...There is a poem that I know and it explains what 'Christmas-time' is for many many people:

This Christmas -
Mend a quarrel.
Seek a forgotten friend.
Write a love letter.
Share some treasure.
Give a soft answer. Encourage youth.
Keep a promise. Find the time.
Forgive an enemy. Listen.
Apologize if you were wrong.
Think first of someone else.
Be kind and gentile.
Laugh a little. Laugh a little more.
Express your gratitude. Gladden the heart of a child.
Take pleasure in the beauty and the wonder of the earth.
Speak your love. Speak it again.
Speak it still once more.

12 Days of Christmas - Silent Night, Holy Night

My daughter owns A t-shirt that says:

"Listen and Silent have the same letters...coincidence?"

The gift of friendship is sometimes just about being present to listen and empathize. Whatever that person is experiencing is real regardless of the facts of reality. Sometimes we need to just say what we need to say to process our experiences. Sometimes we need to just 'be heard'. I often wonder just how important it is to ensure that everyone in our world hears us. The gift of understanding is not achieved without listening and to do that, one must remain silent for a moment.

Our world is filled with constant stimulus. We are bombarded everyday with noise, screens, messages, social media, news, fake news, and needs of the world we live in. One great gift we can give ourselves this Christmas is the gift of Silence. Give yourself a moment with absolutely no agenda. Just seek quiet and listen for silence. I am amazed at what PEACE I can listen to when I slow the spinning down long enough to find a moment of silence.

12 Days of Christmas - Gingerbread

Some traditions are centuries old that are related to Christmas and some are brand new!

Gingerbread houses originated in Germany during the 16th century. The elaborate cookie-walled houses, decorated with foil in addition to gold leaf, became associated with Christmas tradition. Their popularity rose when the Brothers Grimm wrote the story of Hansel and Gretel, in which the main characters stumble upon a house made entirely of treats deep in the forest. It is unclear whether or not gingerbread houses were a result of the popular fairy tale, or vice versa.

My sister is a talented pastry chef and the house on the left is one she made - wow.

This photo below is from a tradition that began 3 years ago. These are the children of my friend, Juan Carlos. JC (as we call him) was the cyclist paralyzed on Fiesta Island Aug. 12, 2014. He was in the hospital for 100 days. He finally did return home shortly before the holidays. As an opportunity to stay in contact with him and his family, and to give JC and his wife Emma a chance for an evening out, I brought over a 'Gingerbread Kit' to make with the kids. I had never put together a gingerbread house and it was so much fun.

The gingerbread house visit is now a tradition with his family. I am tempted to learn how to bake the gingerbread myself, but have yet to find the time. The store bought kits are fun, and yes, tasty!

12 Days of Christmas - Heritage & Legacy

Christmas at the Pollmann house ~ 1974

One of my friends' mom passed away this week. My heart breaks because I know so well the pain of that loss. I miss my mom so much but her presence is in everything I run across daily, especially at the holidays. My mom helped our family begin traditions that my daughter has insisted on - Christmas would not be Christmas in our house without Breakfast casserole...and also would not be the same without the nativity. My mom passed down a beautiful Nativity to me. My dad had made the manger and he had collected all of the pieces in the scene and gifted them to her. The characters in the nativity grew from the holy family, to include the shepherds, wisemen and animals. It is such a joy and such a heartbreak to set up this special part of Christmas each year...especially because I have with the items the last 2 Christmas cards my mom ever sent to me. (And the envelope with the date!!)

While hanging ornaments on our tree this year I noticed something on one that I hadn't before...on it was engraved the following: Daniel Murray - August 21, 1962 - January 10, 2002

"I love you all dearly, now don't shed a tear, I'm spending my Christmas
with Jesus this year."

I don't know why I did not see it before; the ornament is engraved on the backside, so maybe I just didn't look at it closely enough. I know it was a "Hello" from Danny. Veronica and I marveled at the gift. This was given to me by Linda Murray Christmas of 2003. Christmas at the Murray house has not been the same ever since.

To pass down some traditions from Linda, I shared her recipe for "Hello Dollies" -those are the delicious butterscotch chip and coconut cookie bars we enjoy every year. Just have to be careful not to eat all of them!

I miss my mom - and truly I feel like an orphan many days of the year. An orphan is the only description I can find that relates how I feel...parent-less. However, like I mentioned above, even though my mom's passing changed the course of my life, she will live forever in my heart:

when I hear the windchimes,
when I see the iris blooming,
when I see the sand dollars,
when I hear Nat King Cole and
when I attend the Christmas Mass.

Love you Mom. Love you Dan. Miss you very much.

12 Days of Christmas 2017 - The Lord of Misrule

One of the best things about Christmas is just spending time together, of course shopping and gifting is a big part of that. In my family "C'mas Lists" have been and still are an important commencement to the holidays.

My daughter asked for some products from a company called "Lush" I love how this girl is tuned into the 'fresh and trendy' stuff. Anyway, while shopping there I happened upon a product called "The Lord of MisRule". It is a shower gel and it has a pine-pepper/patchouli scent. Anyway, the reason I am writing about this is because in researching the "12 Days of Christmas" I found out about Twelfth Night Traditions and the Lord of Misrule. (The finder of the 'prize' in the cake the night of January 5th).

Veronica and I have had lots of conversations about theater and story development and I asked her one day why she was such a fan of 'the bad guys' in the stories and plays. Her response provoked lots of thought. She explained that ..."without a good villain, you can't have an excellent hero".

Many conversations about that have spawned since then. Thoughts of "If God is a loving God, why would he allow evil in the world?" There is scripture that talks about allowing weeds in the garden and how the weeds are an important part to the harvest. My sister Kathy and I have talked about catastrophic events and why God allows them...I mentioned that even 9/11 illustrated the kindness that is possible from human to human.

The concept of the Lord of Misrule is about allowing oneself to let go of responsibility for a moment and abandon control...what does that bring to your mind? What would you do if you were not concerned about tomorrow?

One idea is that without 'opportunities' to 'choose the right' we are a Godless society. God knows the content of our hearts. God knows what "our best" really is. My best may be different than yours, but without adversity, I would not be able to demonstrate good deeds.  Without the pain of loss, I cannot fully understand the depth of joy in being found. A savior has come to help light the path of joy when feeling lost.

All of these concepts help me accept the path before me this Christmas. The Lord of Misrule is the traditional permission to indulge and celebrate all the opportunities we have before us. I wish you all a moment to allow yourself to immerse in the simplest of joys. You are enough. You have enough. Rejoice!

12 Days of Christmas 2017 - The Virgin of Guadalupe

What is the 12 Days of Christmas? For me, it has been whatever time I can find to actually celebrate time with family, friends and neighbors. I have seen many descriptions about when it starts and ends:

Twelfth Night begins on January 5th as many tradition places the beginning of the 12 days of Christmas on Christmas Day.

There are some that celebrate the 12 days before Christmas beginning on the feast of our Lady of Guadalupe - 12/12 until 12/24. I learned of this tradition from some friends and they call the 12 days "Kringle Days". Our family has its own "Kringle Traditions" - I will write more on that later.

My goal and my gift is to begin today. Set a wave of joy into the universe and begin with a story about "Our Lady of Guadalupe"...

My dear friend Cy Hall was an advocate for Mary, the mother of God. He related stories to me and my friends as pre-teens. He even helped us start up a junior Legion of Mary. One of the stories he told us about was 'Our Lady of Fatima' and another was 'Our Lady of Guadalupe'. Once my girlfriend and I had climbed up to the statue of Mary at our church (by entering the sanctuary unauthorized) and put roses and a scapular into the statues hands. It was our delight to hear the women at the Mass the next day declare 'its a miracle!'.  My sister, Cindy, hand painted a statue of 'Our Lady of Guadalupe' for me. It was beautiful. I treasured it for many years, and sadly, I don't know where it is now. Our Lady of Guadalupe is the protector of the Americas. The Day of the Virgin of Guadalupe (Día de la Virgen de Guadalupe) is a popular Catholic feast that celebrates the belief that a man,  Juan Diego encountered the Virgin Mary, Mexico's patron saint, in Mexico City on December 9 and 12, 1531. The miracle is that Juan Diego picked roses at the sight of the apparition of the virgin Mary and when he brought the roses to the local priests, there was a picture of the virgin on his cloak after he emptied the roses at the feet of the clergy. That picture is the image of Mary in a peach colored dress surrounded by rays of light.
Cy Hall helped me learn about these and other miracles and my sister acknowledged my growing love for the virgin Mary throughout these years. Today is her feast-day in the Catholic Church - after all, Christmas does begin with a virgin, I think today is a great day to celebrate the 12 days of Christmas!

Cycling for Sight 2017 - The heart of the athlete

Carol Corcoran - An empowered blind athlete and I set our goals to ride a 2 day event called "Cycling for Sight". We shared a fund-raising site and pledged to raise $1000 for the Center for the Blind in San Diego, California. We rode together several times and varying distances and we were a great team. My tandem, a modified Cannondale Mountain Bike tandem was outfitted with disc brakes and narrow wheels for road riding.

We started our adventure at the TREK store in San Marcos with many other Blind Stokers Tandem Teams. Carol and I started off great and the bike worked wonderfully - we were scheduled to complete around 50 miles that day. We rode with a group for most of the morning but then kinda got off track trying to find the lunch stop - we were alone by that point and didn't have a wheel to follow. My GPS system failed to indicate the stopping point. Needless to say we did a little extra climbing. Carol never complained - I think she secretly liked the extra work. Carol knew we missed the stop - even though she cannot see, she knows areas, neighborhoods and streets. She has done this ride several times before and without her help, we would have missed the break altogether.

After lunch we were doing great and then upon crossing a railroad track for the COASTER, the back wheel of our tandem dropped into the track rut and we got suddenly slammed to the ground. It absolutely came out of the blue, I had no idea it would happen - I have crossed 100s of railroad tracks but now understand that a tandem behaves a little differently on tracks and must cross absolutely perpendicular to them.

Carol was not wanting to move at first but there was a train coming. Carol did not feel well and we called the support vehicle to take her to CSU San Marcos where we were going to stay the night. Two support riders stopped to help us and even stood over Carol to provide shade. It looked rather comical, but they were tremendously helpful. I rode the last 5 miles alone on the tandem and met Carol at the CSU San Marcos pool. We both sat in the pool for over an hour. When Carol got out of the pool her leg had swollen up like a watermelon!  She had difficulty walking. We got back to the dorm room and she laid down. I tried to ice and compress the swelling. We both started to realize she should probably get checked out, so we were transported by the event bus to my car and I took Carol home where her daughter met us to take her to the ER. While at the ER Carol passed out and that actually helped speed her being attended to. She was in CT scans at about 11pm that night - and everything looked okay - no concussion, no compression, no fractures or broken bones, but a very large hemotoma to her right leg from her hip to her knee. The leg was so swollen with blood that they did an isolated CT on it just to be sure everything was okay. Carol was moved to a local hospital and stayed the night.

That evening - The director, Dave White came to me to ask what my plans were. Was I going to leave? It was clear Carol was not going to be back. He explained he had a stoker without a captain and I was a captain without a stoker. I was nervous. I felt like I should have been fired as a tandem captain. But I remember Carol's voice in my head; "Pat, please stay and ride the second day...I really want you to get to know these wonderful people in the organization..."  I agreed to stay and ride the next day. I discover the stoker I was going to pilot was a 6'2" man named Mark. What? This guy barely fit on my tandem!  Dave had confidence in me and Mark had confidence in me. I was astonished that I was able to do a 20 mile ride with him - and what a character he was. He helped me a lot. We sang together and he told me I was going to be okay - even when we rode over the train tracks. I stayed until the end of the day and tried to meet everyone and talk to everyone. Carol wanted to come and say hi to everyone just out of the hospital, and we both agreed that she should go home and rest. (She didn't sleep hardly at all Saturday night.) We made a card for her and I collected some goodies for her and dropped them at her house - without disturbing anyone, I knew she would be sleeping.

​I have checked in with Carol since then and she says she is healing. She has been in the pool at her gym and tells me the heater is broken but the cool water is probably the best thing for her.

Carol is an amazing athlete - not only is she strong in the body - she is unbelievably strong in spirit. She never complained, she never was discouraging, she only continuously cheered for me, even from her hospital bed. There is a huge lesson for me in this beautiful journey - Carol taught me that being an athlete is much more that having fitness, it is about having an undeniable spirit that will stand and conquer any obstacle. She is my heroine.

Thank you so much for contributing to our collection bucket. This was much more than a fund-raiser for me, it was a friend-raiser and a spirit-raiser.

Thank you to Carol Corcoran, you are amazing.

Ad Hominem

Ad hominem heart today have eye,
abused by silence; twisted wry
look, long shadows leave a trace
a path I followed unembraced

Tamdemaniac

Of all the joys I have yet to know

there are none as gleeful, and so

I tell you of the perfection 

in the connection

of a bicycle built for two.

As captain, trusted pilot is my attitude

the stoker behind shares a lifted mood

that I shall steer and shift the gear

and safety guide us true.

As stoker, I let go... the joy is in the ride

I'm the engine lightly perched

and keeping still, 

direction and intention

communicated through the push of pedals.

Not sure how I came to be this way -

maybe random, 

oh, but tandem, 

is for certain

the ride I would prefer to choose.

Poet's Heart

Solstice

Solstice:
Solace, Darkness be gone.
Days grow longer, we grow strong!

Sunset

The golden hour approaches – things that normally I cannot see, are made visible.

The sun acquiesces humbly his daily task by conceding light beyond the horizon.

My eyes cannot see light, but I see the hue of orange that is cast across the landscape.

The brightness is tamed; filtered through immeasurable heavens, beams are softened by the distance. In an instant, a photographer’s glorious dusk-enhanced rostrum can be sought and captured, and yet as I watch the setting sun, I experience more than I can see with my eyes.

I feel threads of warmth kiss my face. I am prompted with laughter-squinting eyes to joyfully gaze at this exquisite illumination of the horizon for I know that this is the only moment I am afforded the opportunity to observe such beauty. Bare shoulders are caressed in a gift of departure. The long shadows beckon the day be done and calls the evening forward. 

Photo credit - Dave Palmer  "Photographer Getting the Shot" - Pacific Beach, CA

The fortune in misfortune

During a conversation with a friend that I know through cycling, I came to realize that some of the greatest fortunes that have come about in my life are a direct result of mistakes, misfortunes and human flaw (my own). It also reminded me of a phrase I heard; the Creator recreates more perfectly than creation.

We were discussing the current political environment. Yes, I know, that is a taboo - how could I? Well, I did and I went as far as talking about my 'belief' in divine providence.  In response to a Facebook post I made recently, the thoughts I have had about one or the other of our current presidential candidates is that no matter which one ends up in the chair, that they are fulfilling their destiny and we all have a dharma that moves us through life. Our lives are much more interwoven that our brains could ever imagine, in my belief, and we can be at much more peace if we cooperate with the hand that is dealt to us and use our gifts the best way possible, caring and loving ourselves as much as we love our neighbor and certainly make clear the invisible boundaries that we all stand for when definite our character.  It is important to me to be able to decide what's important, and what is nothing. It is important to me to be able to decide (pleading for wisdom all the while) what is acceptance and tolerance, and what is caving-in to the opinion of others. To me, that is called 'defining character' and it is unique to me, but impact-able, and dynamic, and certainly like everything else about the human condition, it is fallible.

Back to the misfortune...Many years I struggled with addiction and alcoholism. I remember one particular night when snorting crystal meth with a friend in a restaurant bathroom - I remember the vision of her arm being smashed by me with the stall door because someone was about to enter the area. This is one memory I am certain to see flash before my eyes at the end of life tunnel, the shame was tangible and debilitating. My father was an alcoholic, yet I feel like I was raised in a very loving home. I have many sobriety birthdays. I fell off the wagon many times. I cannot drink alcohol and I remind myself everyday. It is the cause of some of the darkest days in my life - those days I cared nothing for myself and nothing for others and was merely human tissue taking up space on the planet. I offered nothing to society and society only offered alcohol to me. Through sobriety, I have met others with stories more horrific than mine. They are the most accepting and loving people I know. I am not saying that it is impossible to reach an understanding of the human condition without the 'fortune of misfortune' but I believe that having this perspective makes helping others a lot easier. It makes accepting others easier. It makes being gentle with myself easier, and it helps me to be loving and kind to my comrades a little quicker. (Not that I have a perfect run at that even - we are all filled with limitations.)

As a result I have learned to
ask for forgiveness - even when I did nothing wrong - what can that hurt? (Not me certainly)
look for the best in people
keep peace in my heart
give generously of my time
thank others that give you their time
always be willing to teach
love myself
understand we are spiritual beings thrust into a human existence,
give forgiveness
embrace the path as it is revealed to me - we belong where we are for a special purpose.