Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?
While Jesus hung on the cross he called out to his father and asked; "Why have you forgotten me?"
When I meditate on that I consider how close these two were. The relationship between father and son, between creator and creation is as close as any relationship can get. This particular relationship is extremely special; it IS indivisible, and in fact, the Holy Trinity indicates that the relationship between father, son and spirit is one in the same person - there is no greater intimacy in existence.
So even at the moment of great pain and trouble, a loving relationship is allowed to be severed, crushed and allowed to perish.
This sacred independence was a blessing; the savior was demonstrating how to stand alone, to give alone, to be at liberty to make that gift of self.
There have been times in my life when I have grown, moved forward, made progress in being the best version of myself I was created to be. When I reflect on those times of progress, it has never been at a glamorous time, surrounded by friends and stardust in a sanitized place, it has been at the darkest, ugliest moments - moments of sorrow, shame. The people in my life that helped me the most, were the people who abandoned me - they walked away and allowed me to stand up or continue to fall. This may seem cruel, but in my personal experience, it was a great gift of empowerment.
Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? Father, why have you abandoned me?
Learning to stand on my own, care for myself, and learn who I wanted to be, took place at the times when I learned 'its okay to be me - even in failures, even with shortcomings....I am okay and I mean to be the best version of "me" I was created to be'.
I recently saw the movie Bohemian Rhapsody and in the movie one of the characters, living life with abandon and gluttony, had a conversation with someone that truly loved him. That person was quoted as saying "Come back and see me when you learn to love yourself".
How do we learn to love and accept who we are? It is a question that I reflected on today and the answer in my heart took me to the greatest day of Sacred Independence ever known on Earth.
God loved us. God created us. If we cannot learn to accept and love ourselves, we are telling the creator that we know better than He does. If we cannot learn that 'its okay to be who we are' than how can we ask anyone else to accept and love us?
Of course, God's love is perfect. We are not perfect. I am not perfect, you are not perfect. We do not communicate perfectly, and certainly don't have it all figured out yet (and probably won't have it figured out until we are 'over the rainbow' with God).
Our job is to be kind, seek first to understand, and have sacred independence. If we cannot love ourselves, relying on someone else to love us will leave us feeling empty. I believe that when we are able to accept ourselves as human, and accept others for what they are; human, we will find the greatest love, peace, and mobility to progress in our journey here.
Learning to love is step one, loving with perfection...that is the journey.
