The fortune in misfortune

During a conversation with a friend that I know through cycling, I came to realize that some of the greatest fortunes that have come about in my life are a direct result of mistakes, misfortunes and human flaw (my own). It also reminded me of a phrase I heard; the Creator recreates more perfectly than creation.

We were discussing the current political environment. Yes, I know, that is a taboo - how could I? Well, I did and I went as far as talking about my 'belief' in divine providence.  In response to a Facebook post I made recently, the thoughts I have had about one or the other of our current presidential candidates is that no matter which one ends up in the chair, that they are fulfilling their destiny and we all have a dharma that moves us through life. Our lives are much more interwoven that our brains could ever imagine, in my belief, and we can be at much more peace if we cooperate with the hand that is dealt to us and use our gifts the best way possible, caring and loving ourselves as much as we love our neighbor and certainly make clear the invisible boundaries that we all stand for when definite our character.  It is important to me to be able to decide what's important, and what is nothing. It is important to me to be able to decide (pleading for wisdom all the while) what is acceptance and tolerance, and what is caving-in to the opinion of others. To me, that is called 'defining character' and it is unique to me, but impact-able, and dynamic, and certainly like everything else about the human condition, it is fallible.

Back to the misfortune...Many years I struggled with addiction and alcoholism. I remember one particular night when snorting crystal meth with a friend in a restaurant bathroom - I remember the vision of her arm being smashed by me with the stall door because someone was about to enter the area. This is one memory I am certain to see flash before my eyes at the end of life tunnel, the shame was tangible and debilitating. My father was an alcoholic, yet I feel like I was raised in a very loving home. I have many sobriety birthdays. I fell off the wagon many times. I cannot drink alcohol and I remind myself everyday. It is the cause of some of the darkest days in my life - those days I cared nothing for myself and nothing for others and was merely human tissue taking up space on the planet. I offered nothing to society and society only offered alcohol to me. Through sobriety, I have met others with stories more horrific than mine. They are the most accepting and loving people I know. I am not saying that it is impossible to reach an understanding of the human condition without the 'fortune of misfortune' but I believe that having this perspective makes helping others a lot easier. It makes accepting others easier. It makes being gentle with myself easier, and it helps me to be loving and kind to my comrades a little quicker. (Not that I have a perfect run at that even - we are all filled with limitations.)

As a result I have learned to
ask for forgiveness - even when I did nothing wrong - what can that hurt? (Not me certainly)
look for the best in people
keep peace in my heart
give generously of my time
thank others that give you their time
always be willing to teach
love myself
understand we are spiritual beings thrust into a human existence,
give forgiveness
embrace the path as it is revealed to me - we belong where we are for a special purpose.

USS FreeBee - 505 Racing Sailboat

Discovering sailing on an International 505 ("FreeBee") as a complete novice has been a beautiful journey so far. Roger Lovett determined I was ready to try and assist with the spinnaker last Sunday. This was only my second time out on his boat "Freebee" and I was anxious to learn. Roger has not been sailing for a few years. Surviving a heart-attack last December gave him a second chance to re-engage with some of the joys he had let slip away in the 'busy-ness' of the daily grind. When Roger would talk about sailing and racing, his eyes would light up! I just knew he needed to bring his sailboat back out to the water.  

The first time we went sailing, I stood around helplessly as I watched Roger meticulously assemble the rigs for the sailboat. He would give me small tasks, but for the most part, he was busy trying to re-orient himself with his 505 sailboat. Raising the mast, we worked to untangle the many lines. One of them, being stuck between the block and the wheel of the pulley, forced Roger to have to lower the mast to correct the line on the wheel. I mention this difficulty because the same thing happened to us on our second outing. We shook the ropes, whipped them, tugged them and messed around with them so long before we again had to lower the mast to remove the rope from the pulley jam. We would have been much better off deciding to do this a lot earlier. To prevent this from happening again, painters tape applied just below the pulley and it's rope will allow us to hoist the mast and pull the rope through the pulley without the chance of it getting stuck (and the tape will just tear away.)

There was a pretty good wind last Sunday. Roger was a little concerned about putting out the spinnaker for the first time, but we did, and very clumsily at best. We both knew that shouting would occur. Roger was hoisting the sail and telling me "Hook up" and I was telling him "What do I do?" He replies "Grap that rope!" I am looking at about 4 different ropes and totally have no clue about which rope he is referring to, however I somehow got the rope onto the end of the spinnaker pole and the sail went up. 

Roger realized that his buddy Mike, who was his crew before, took care of all the spinnaker ropes and managed the sail. Roger didn't know all of Mike's practices and tricks - this added a level of difficulty, but we were both determined to practice. Bringing the sail down went even worse than the clumsy hoist we just had. As Roger shouted commands to me, which I was trying to desperately interpret into actions, the sail fell into the water and we promptly ran over it with the boat. Roger announced with a sigh "We're going to beach this boat to bring in that sail".  After we managed to get the huge sail back into the boat (now heavy because it is wet) Roger decided that there was too much wind to practice with the spinnaker. We rode across the bay back and forth for a bit. I love being up on the trapeze. Roger likes to ask me if I can see the centerboard when I am fully extended. It is very cool to see, actually; the white flash moving swiftly under water. 

One of the things that amazes me is that he can look at the water and tell me exactly when I need to get ready to get 'up' because a gust is coming. Experience, I guess - he knows what he is looking at; soft water, hard water, glassy or choppy, it all means something with the wind and how he will drive.

We were moving around the bay and I heard Roger say quietly "Flying Dutchman". I wondered what that meant. Was there a boat without a driver? Was that some sort of boat jargon for a person overboard? 

Then I saw another 505 approaching. The driver announces, "Flying Dutchman!" "We are yadda yadda yadda..." he is now speaking a language I do not understand. (I believe he was giving details of what his plans were for the day/route/ routine/ course etc.) Roger calls back to them "Are you John?" He says "Yes" and invites us to follow. Roger waves and I asked him if we are going to follow. "That guy is a pro - and much too fast for us right now, and as much as I would love to chase, we are here to just get oriented to the boat." Roger looked a little bummed as we watched the Flying Dutchman 'flying' away over the water. 

Throughout the rest of the day we enjoyed great sailing. I am finding out there is a whole new language to learn. To Reach, Flatten, Bear up, Bear Off; these words I hear Roger use and I need to manifest tasks from them. Those ribbons on the sail? Yes, they are 'tell tails' clever! I am finding they are really important to watch. In Mission Bay it seems as if the wind is always 'swirling' and the fun time on the trapeze has often been short-lived for me. I was out on the line once this Sunday and the wind died so suddenly that I didn't move fast enough to get both legs into the boat when it dropped and one of my legs completely slipped over the side of the boat and I was doing the splits up to my hip in the water. Roger calmly announced the term for that situation (had I gone completely into the water) is called being 'tea-bagged'. Of course stories of previous 'tea-bagging' episodes ensued. 

I wanted very much to hoist the spinnaker successfully before our day on the water was over and I urged Roger to find a way for us to try again. Roger sailed to a quieter spot on the bay exploring for a place to practice. He kept saying "I think its too windy, Pat". But he knew I wanted to try again, so he finally found a path to follow to bring up that big sail. As we headed straight for a dock of parked boats, his plan was to turn around completely and pull that sail. I am amazed at how close Roger can get to a target and stop and turn (while I do my part with the Jib).  This time I was a tad more familiar with what rope did what, and also how much muscle it takes to get the spinnaker pole in place and when that pole should go up.(Timing is everything!) We successfully raised the spinnaker for the second time that day - and were trying to take it down when we began to ride over the sail again....UGH. Roger then pulled the sail back up (now heavy and wet) (Third time up!) let it blow a bit and then we went into the down sequence--this time actually managing to get most of it put away. Roger let us do the same route one more time and back to the dock we went. We turned and launched the spinnaker, even a bit more smoothly for the fourth time. As we let the wind fill the sail, Roger looked at it and said, Darn (well maybe it was another word) "I have the sail on backward! I am not supposed to be able to read the letters and numbers on that sail." He explained that the sail, if it were installed in the other direction, would be much easier to 'pull in' as the sail would be lying on the rope and not on the water as it was lowered into the boat. Nevertheless, we did get it back into the boat and I can say we had an epic learning day.

I am finding out that sailors are very patient people. When packing up/putting the boat away at the end of the day, one cannot be in a rush. There is an order to the system of taking down/doffing the sails and lowering the mast and un-teathering everything. I stand around feeling unhelpful mostly, but I am given small tasks as I try to watch and learn what is going on. When Roger removes the mast, it is my job to guide it down. Sunday as he was preparing to do this, I stood at the back of the boat with my arms in the air, ready. I was thinking to myself, "why do I need to put my arms in the air, I should just wait until the mast is handed down"...but it was a good thing I had my arms and hands ready because Roger lost his footing and dropped the mast right into my hands and I caught it! It smashed my hands a little, but it fell right where it was supposed to. Roger was okay. We were both very tired but felt great about the day's practice sail. 

Casting Spells with Poems

Shared Value - I Am Worthy

I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: "I'm not screwing around. It's time. All of this pretending and performing - these coping mechanisms that you've developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt - have to go. 

Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but your still searching and you're more lost than ever. 

Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can't live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It's time to show up and be seen."

~ Brene Brown

SCWTS

My Heart

6/15
A joyful heart today have I,
and here’s the simple reason why
within ignites your light and mine
inviting all to bravely shine!

9/3
A sorrowful heart today have I,
and even though I try and try
a key-turned lock that friendship door
has left me weeping evermore.

9/8
A cheerful heart today have I,
and you shouldn't need to ask me why
a tandem captain today I drive
with that young angel by my side.

9/9
A humble heart today have I,
a young angel does beside me fly,
bringing joy enough to share,
helping me become aware!

9/10
A beating heart today have I
And from my chest I heave a sigh
knowing that what I love, I am
and living up for what I stand.

10/10
A hopeful heart today have I,
keyed off fingers dancing by,
a sunrise of faith, love and peace,
allegro - the tempo does ever increase!

10/16
A grateful heart today have I
plucked the splinter from my eye
thanks revealed in every sight
the heaviest load is feather light

10/22
An anxious heart today have I,
agonizing the word 'goodbye'
when weak and tired my spirit is,
and little left I have to give.

I seek the joy that others serve
and wonder how I deserve
the strength and hope on shoulders ready
leaning on them; trusted, steady.

11/6
A loving heart today have I,
absolute truth outshines the lie,
the path each day itself revealed,
beloved brothers in faith are sealed.

11/22
An inspired heart today have I,
pen and paper wait nearby,
charge: of thoughts to words consign
and into dancing prose define

12/1
A starving heart today have I,
some days on iron blood must rely,
fortified strengthened and nourished much,
fed only by your golden touch.

1/11
An empty heart I have tonight
I am confused, who knows what's right?
My head is spinning, my cheeks are wet
this ache my soul seeks to forget

My friend, his heart, is fixed this eve
a stent to heal he did receive
and all my joy I send his way
and thank the stars he's here today.

2/14
A patient heart today have I
day count 13 and 12 of night
since last we spoke in friendship sure
Autumn leaves this steady tour

This night a yearning spoils my heart
seeking signals and times to mark
I long your sapphire eyes to see
and drift within tranquility

The Spring heralds delights galore
longer days and nights ashore
the time apart; eternity
when will you spend some time with me?

Alas a patient heart is mine
this summer comes and in time
a golden presence; I shall feast
forgetting all I cared the least

2/19/2016
A quiet heart today have I
there are no tears, my eyes are dry
I claim the path revealed my own
and humbly place the cornerstone

10/4/2016
A heart replete today have I
Health and humor on the rise
With angel’s wings today revealed
true presence; strength and courage yield

Yule Log

The Feast of Juul was a festival observed in Scandinavia when fires were lit to symbolize the heat, light and life-giving properties of the returning Sun. A Yule or “Juul” log was brought in and burned on the hearth in honor of the Scandinavian god, Thor.  It was Thor’s job to bring the warmth of the Sun back to the people. The log, which was never allowed to burn entirely, was kept as both a token of good luck against misfortune, and used as kindling for the following year’s log.  In England, Germany, France and other European countries, the Yule log was burned until nothing but ash remained. The ashes were then collected and spread into the fields as fertilizer every night until Twelfth Night, or worn around the neck as a charm. The ashes were sometimes used in medicine.

French peasants would place the cooled ashes from the log under their beds, believing they would protect the house against thunder and lightning. The present-day custom of lighting a Yule log at Christmas is believed to have originated with these fires associated with the Feast of Juul.

Celebrated around the winter solstice (December 20–23 in the Northern Hemisphere), Yule marks the longest night and the rebirth of the sun. Central to the festivities is the burning of the Yule log—a tradition symbolizing warmth, light, and the hope of longer days ahead. In ancient times, families would bring a massive log (sometimes an entire tree) into the home, feeding the fire for twelve days, which later inspired the "Twelve Days of Christmas".

Yule was a communal event, featuring feasting, drinking, singing, and storytelling. It also included rituals to honor ancestors and invoke the favor of gods like Odin, who was closely associated with the festival. Over centuries, many Yule customs were absorbed into Christian Christmas celebrations, including the use of evergreens, wreaths, and the Yule log itself—now enjoyed as both a decorative centerpiece and a chocolate dessert (bûche de Noël) in France and other countries.

Modern Neo-Pagan and Heathen communities continue to celebrate Yule with bonfires, feasts, and rituals that honor the cycles of nature and ancestral spirits. The enduring legacy of Yule is its message of hope and renewal during the darkest time of year.

12 Days - Christmas on the Prado

Okay, it's now called 'December Nights' but the last couple years I have visited our beautiful Balboa Park at Christmas and have just fallen into a childlike joy hearing and seeing the sights.

This year I especially enjoy the bagpipe band. I went to the international food festival and had 'haggas' after the concert. The organ pavilion itself is historically magical. 1915 World's Fair was the catalyst for so many of our town's beautiful iconic locales, and is what inaugurated our zoo.

Leadership

Domain Namesake

Phillipians 4:8

Good Enough

The Wheel

Ponder the wheel;

spokes, hub and bearings - 

adjusting the tension

with proper attention

the rotation spins true.

As it is with life

and things that we care for

choices, demands, paths.

Shall roll quite easily

when careful priority

is placed in the future not past.

Christmas in Beautiful San Diego County

As read By 'Captain' Mike Ambrose (RIP 912008) KGTV each Christmas Eve

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through our town, no noses were frozen, no snow fluttered down -no children in flannels were tucked into bed; they all wore their shorty pajamas instead!
To find wreaths of holly was not very hard, for holly trees sprouted right in the back yard! In front of the houses were daddys and moms, admiring the bushes and beautiful palms. The slumbering kiddies were dreaming in glee, and hoped they'd find water skis under the tree. They all knew that Santa was well on his way In a Mercedes-Benz instead of a sleigh.

And soon he arrived and started to work, he hadn't a second to linger or shirk.
He whizzed o'er the highways and zoomed up the road in a shiny new sports car delivering his load.
The tropical moon gave the city a glow and lighted the way for Santa below.

As he jumped in the auto he gave a wee chuckle; he was dressed in Bermudas with an Ivy League buckle. There weren't many chimneys - but that caused no gloom. For Santa came in through the patio room. 

He stopped at each house, staying only a minute, and lightened his sack of the gifts that were in it.

Before he parted he treated himself
to a glass of orange juice left on the shelf. Then he turned with a jerk and bounced back to the car. Remembering he still had to go very far. He stepped on the gas and put it in gear and drove throughout town singing with cheer.

And I heard him exclaim as he went on his way:
"Merry Christmas San Diego County, I wish I could stay!"

12 Days: Light

Americans spend a lot of money on lights. One of the things I used to tell my kids about lights on houses at Christmastime was that Christians like to let the world know that if Mary and Joseph were to come looking for a place to stay, they would have no problem in that all they would need to do is knock at the door of a house with lights.

The story of the four candles also punctuate the season for me. Peace, Faith, Love and Hope....when one goes out, HOPE remains the flame that can ignite the others again. As long as there is hope there is LIFE - and as long as there is LIFE there is hope.

This light of hope was especially true for me this August where my friend Juan Carlos nearly lost his life in a cycling crash. He did survive and lives now with a spinal cord injury that left him paralyzed from the nipples down. On his sister's Facebook page was this photo:

Mientras haya vida, hay esperanzas - While there is life, there is hope...

The blessing of hope. May we all find our light this season - and keep it burning.
This light and burning remind me of a special song that I love - "Biko" by Peter Gabriel. The lyrics are; "You can blow out a candle, but you can't blow out a fire. Once the flames begin to catch, the wind will blow it higher...."

Okay - so what to do to make sure your HOPE is burning and turns to FIRE? That is the journey, my friends. I know my flame is sometimes barely a whisper of a light.....I look to others for help and I pray that the path is revealed to all of us in perfect light.

12 Days: Balance

This sunrise is the dawn of the quest. 12 days of Christmas - and a journey of the heart. 2014 has been filled with ups and downs, loud and quiet, every thing and nothing.  My goal for 12 days between now and the end of the year is to make 12 journal entries that will help build the path that will carry me on to living life fully alive in balance.

Balance is something that often eludes me. It's like the words in the song "The Music of the Night" hard as lightning, soft as candle-light....those words are so descriptive. Where is the medium light?

I look to the sunrise today. I feel it in my bones. I have a grateful heart, and because I have been seeking, I know the time is right.

The season of Advent - the coming of our Lord. In his great humility is the arrival of a king. The most humble, the most loving and forgiving moments of my life have been the times when I felt the most balanced.

Recent words shared with me: "You cannot open the door and let in the darkness"...Darkness is only the absence of light...and so it is with love and good. Is there no evil? Or only the absence of good...is there no indifference or only the absence of love?

Where is the balance?

Mind. Spirit. Body - harnessed in the breath of life.

This August 21st, the absence of breath in my mother, ended her journey on Earth....I miss her so and have been out of balance. Today, I dreamed that I can re-seat myself firmly in this life. Before you can be it, you have to dream it.

I have some work to do, Maranatha - Come Holy Spirit Come!

Some of My Favorite Things

I haven't written this Christmas like I have in the past with the 12 days of Christmas blog. I am up this morning to work on a few presents for family and I am remembering some of the things that made me smile from my childhood.  I remember my mom had these 'folded newspaper/magazine' christmas trees and angels. I thought they were beautiful and I always looked forward to seeing them each year. 

I also remember the 'ribbon candy' and in particular the peanut butter filled hard candy 'peanuts' that would magically appear on Christmas Day.

I always loved hearing Nat King Cole and the 'Christmas Song' and to this day when I hear it, I am transported to age 10 and Chesapeake, Virgina - making snowmen and admiring our beautiful trees. The other music I love to hear is Eddie Dundsteder - which also takes me right back.

The song 'Silver Bells' reminds me of my sister Cindy - especially the part '...as the shoppers rush home with thier treasures'...I remember she used to do a lot of wrapping and delighted in teasing us with packages to 'guess what's inside'. 

Finally, one of the best parts of Christmastime from my youth was 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'. Even today, I include the quotation from the movie "‘Welcome’ Christmas! While we stand, heart to heart and hand in hand. Christmas day is in our grasp - So long as we have hands to clasp. Christmas day will always be, just so long as we have “We”. 

My mom always had good food to eat on Christmas and I have continued the Christmas breakfast casserole tradition. 

One tradition I have begun with my own family....On Christmas eve, as the last task before bed-time, we hang a banner on our Christmas Tree that says "Happy Birthday"....and that is the last thought in our heads when we go to sleep for the night. All is calm, all is bright....may strangers, neighbors, family, and close friends or aquaintences feel the love of the christ-child radiating from my heart this holiday. 

This is the Day the Lord has Made - Alleluia!

Written to my family in an email April of 2012 - 

I hope that this note finds you well - I know I have loved the time change and more daylight and I love the warmth I feel in the air these days!

I wanted to share two articles for Easter. The attachments are sentimental as well as thought provoking! Grandma Thronebery mailed me the newspaper article sometime around 2001 and that same year
(I believe) the BC comic strip. Johnny Hart, the BC comic artist, always threw secular safety to the wind on Easter and he drew what he felt in his heart. (much to the criticism of his colleagues and the newspapers that published his comics.)

I feel blessed to have used both the BC comic strip and the newspaper article that grandma sent for discussion with the youth at my church for many years - enjoy!

You are all always in my prayers - I wish you a very blessed and joyful Easter!

12 Days: ChristKind and the Rausch Angel

When it comes to traditional images of Christmas in Europe, Germany's Bavaria is the heartland. One can savor classic holiday themes: glittering trees, old time carols, and colorful Christmas markets. These markets, called Christkindle Markets, enliven squares throughout Germany. The most famous is in Nurnberg. It's a festive swirl of the heart-warming sights, sounds and smells of Christmas. Bakeries crank out old fashioned gingerbread — the Lebkuchen Nurnberg — using the original 17th century recipe.

Long a center of toy making in Germany, a woody and traditional ambiance prevails. Nutcrackers are characters of authority - uniformed, strong-jawed and able to crack the tough nuts. And hovering above it all is the golden rausch angel — an icon of Christmas in Nurnberg. Rausch is the sound of wind blowing through its wings. It's a favorite for capping family Christmas trees.

Germany's grandest Christmas market, in Nuremberg, comes complete with an angelic Christkind ("Christ child") dressed in gold, played by a real-life teenage girl. How does a female Christkind fit in the Christmas story? Five hundred years ago, Martin Luther - the church reformer who hailed from Germany - wanted to shift the focus from St. Nicholas back to the Christ child. But as Germans had a hard time getting their mind around baby Jesus giving gifts, the Christmas gift-giver gradually morphed into a sweet girl who was still called the Christ child.

12 Days: Wise Men

12 Days - I made it! Christmas Eve! Thank you for joining my blog journey this Holiday.

I have always been fascinated by the story of the 3 Kings. The three magi have been described not only as wise men, but also as kings, Persian priests, and astrologers. Epiphany is the end of the Christmas season, 12 days after Christmas. According to legend, the first magi was Melichior (or Melchior – 'king of light') the second was known as the King of Persia; Gathaspa (Gaspar or Caspar – 'the white one') the third; the King of India, and Bithisarea (or Balthazar or Baltasar – 'lord of the treasures') the King of Arabia. These Wise Men started the gift-giving custom of Christmas by bringing gold (significance - a king), frankincense (significance - a holy person), and myrrh (significance - death/burial oils) to the Christ child on Epiphany, the day on which the infant was presented. I read a story somewhere that told a tale of miraculous things happening to these kings once they returned to their homelands.

Often I will put on my Christmas letter "Wise Men Still Seek Him" because I think that saying is so clever - it isn't really referring to the kings, but to us -- as we search for happiness, it will be a lifelong journey to heaven.  I am a Christian that follows the Roman Catholic Tradition. I am aware of the other traditions related to the Winter Seasons - Solstice,  Hanukkah, Eid, and those that do not celebrate any holiday. I was surprised when my Muslim friend's daughter showed me the Christmas tree she drew - even though her family had none. In the drawing, her Dad was on a ladder hanging a star! I wanted to share with you today how much I love experiencing all of the kindness, excitement and joy that comes at this time of year. Whether that love and happiness comes from shopping, chocolates, advent, cookies,  angels, caroling, charity, business, snow, toys or ornaments...it is wise to continue searching and finding that special love that can fill our hearts at this time of year. May you capture that love, joy and peace and may it burn brightly within you all year long! I wish for you Happy Holidays and a very prosperous New Year, and no matter what form it comes to you, more than anything... I wish you love!