The Sum of our Experiences

Recently I have had thoughts about listening to others during conversations. I cringe sometimes when I hear a group speaking to each other...there's no real discourse - there is only talking at each other. It really brings home the message in Brian Regan's comical skit about the man on the moon...its called "Dinner Party" and he explains how people are only out to 'out talk' each other. My daughter had a t-shirt that said "Listen and Silent" same letters? Coincidence? I love that! I am guilty of not listening. Social media has really created social self promotion in our current society. There are some ideas I have shared with my son and with a friend about our personal perspectives; we have talked about how our personal perspectives are 'the world to us'. There is an entertainer that has the catch phrase "I refuse your reality and will subsitute my own". I love that too! It's like when 4 people look at a dog, they may see 4 different things: 1. A companion 2. A threat 3. A noise maker/watcher 4. An extension of conscienceness These are all correct. I bite my cheek when I hear someone tell me 'how it is' about something. In my opinion there is not very often an instance of truth that is exactly the same for everyone. Are we the sum of our experiences? To person number 2 above in the dog example . . . maybe they were bitten by a dog and now have fear that is indistinquishable. Are we the sum of our experiences? I believe so, but at the same time I feel that we will never be able to define ourself soley on experiences, or define our value, purpose or worth, based on our experiences. So - life experience is very important and not so important. It is a true conflict in living. There are many people with a vast amount of education that know a world less than some others with lots of life experiences. There are many that live life fully, with a narrow and mean perspectives to others that are different than them. I like to believe that I am learning to love my perspectives while leaning into other's experiences. This is a difficult task. The word 'judgement' comes up. Anyway today was a mindfulness day. At one point during the day, I felt judgemental and devalued. I heard myself say "Dear God, please help me with some understanding and patience." It was kinda strange. I suddendly did not care so much about what was bothering me. I am the sum of my experiences, but I will not let past pain destroy a potentially great peace that is also inside of us all. That peace found me today, and I was so glad!

Red Envelopes

 Two, Four, Six, Eight

even numbers indicate

The year of the dragon

greetings take

our hopes and dreams

to

step through the gate

up the road

and 

down the trail

a life 

a love 

a joy

a journey

I wish to you double-yolk fortune

and lucky days

wonder

magical nights 

and miracles this year!

Mindfulness

A mindful heart today have I

living life with nothing to hide

brings about peace and less to prove

while living life with nothing to lose.

For always, desiderata prescribes

the way that we can truly thrive.

Sundowner Surfside - Taps

Long shadows and orange waters colors paint the late afternoon world. Seaside campfires fill my nostrils with a mixture of smokey-salty air. I inhale deeply. My being processes, spiritually and physically; the sights and smells as the distant rumble of waves give rhythmn to my moving meditation as I pedal southbound.  Day is done, gone the sun...all is well safely rest, God is nigh.

12 Days We find what we want to find

We create our own happiness and our own experiences by our searching for what we define as good and joyful. We will find ourselves in a place exactly as we imagined solely by looking for what we want. We are made for joy. The universe is exactly on time. We found a place to belong - where we were wanted.

12 Days of Christmas - Reflections

This year, 2021, I find myself unexpectedly with time home. A vacation was planned to travel overseas for my son’s nuptials, however, that plan changed. I don't think I have had this much time off from my job (consecutive days) for many years. This 'free time' has allowed me to reflect on the year 2021 and 2020. It is almost painful to think about the divided country and the politics of the pandemic we have been going through since March of 2020. 

I did not make any entries last Christmas - but did jot down some topics for thought. I am hopeful I will have enough focus, and slow down long enough to write. Pausing for anything is difficult for me (and my family). We were raised to define ourselves by how much 'we got done' during the day. Having a day with a non-agenda is very rare for me and whenever I can, I plan my time out several days, if not weeks, ahead. To some, this is an aggravation - to me it is the only thing I can do to keep peace. 

This year I was able to compile a photobook. I have been able to do that for the last 5 years. I was nudged by 'Google Photos' to create my reflection book using the photos in my account, and so I have. 

I chose also, this year, the title 'Wisdom' and included a few concepts from other blogs I follow. Last Year's book was title 'Hindsight' (in a nod to the 2020 concept). One of the ideas I feel that the year 2021 embodied was wisdom. 

Here is a thought from author Mark Mason - ". . . wisdom is the ability to allow a diversity of values and thoughts to emerge within your own mind, yet still be able to act despite them. 

I acknowledge that the last 20 months have been filled with discord and confusion. I thank God that He has opened my heart to the love from my friends and family. Decision paralysis can be healed and, in this way, new paths can be revealed. 

Light

Little Bird, yellow bird! Go towards the light! 

Caught inside, caught inside - restricting your flight!

To be calm, to be calm, sweeping dust from the lamps - 

I'll darken the room to brighten your path. 

 How did you get here, I wonder in panic!

Was this place brighter than the outside planet? 

Rest a bit allowing your heart beat to catch -

Perch
on the light fixture with tilted head cast. 

I know, I know! I'll darken the room!

To open the way

 knowing that you will take flight

 towards it without delay. 

Little bird, little bird, Go towards the light! 

Little bird, yellow bird, take wing and take flight!

Full of freedom, 

the grand world wide -

the sky is yours 

when 

not 

trapped 

inside.

12 Days of Christmas - Rolltop Desk

 One year while I was sorta still living at home (I say that because I was hardly ever at home) I remember there were no presents for me under our Christmas tree. Yeah, I was nervous because my mom and I had had a rough year  - the relationship was strained and I wasn't sure what was going to happen that year.

I would look there almost every day as I saw new packages pop up - the tags on the package never had my name. 

I was so happy I did finally get one gift! Yahoo! My heart was feeling better that maybe I would get some things after all and not be embarrased that I was going to be the 'kid punished' that year. 

I remember only 2 gifts; one I still have - it is a hand made stitch work of a frog with the phrase "Frogs are smart, they eat what bugs them".  

The other gift was a roll top desk. 

I had always wanted one. I just thought they were the coolest ever. 

I don't even remember how the desk got presented to me that Christmas. 

It was too big to wrap - and I don't remember how I got it out of the house or upstairs to my room, but it went with me when I did move out. 

I had the desk for many years. I believe it finally got donated to the GoodWill during the remodel of our home. I want to say that was 2008 or so. 

The gift was tremendous. I am sure it was expensive. It was probably a difficult thing for my mom to do to select only one or two things to give - you see my mom was very generous, but also very calculated. 

Gifts are for the giver, not really for the reciever. But the greater the love that goes into the selection or creation of the gift, the more valuable the gift becomes. 

Hearts

A hopeless heart today had I, the source of song recently dry - I sought the aid of neighbors, friends and push on through to meet the ends. A wish for health and better days sometimes seems quite a distance away and fear and lost my heart becomes while waiting on ignited ones.

12 Days of Christmas - Breakfast

Family traditions are steep when it comes to food. Growing up in San Diego, especially in my teen years our Christmas traditions for food was as follows: the morning usually began with coffee and it was hard to wake up because there were many years that we attended midnight services. We would often have a session of gift opening while the breakfast cooked and by the time it was ready the whole house smelled like sausage casserole. We would get to eat many helpings while cleaning up the wrapping paper. Then after everything was tidy, we would begin to set up, assemble, or otherwise 'play' with the new things we just were gifted. Magically (and I say magically because I don't ever remember helping) there would be deli platters set out on our table with all sorts of cheese, bread and meats to make sandwiches. These trays would stay all day long along with platters of home made cookies. I really appreciated the all day feast situation because I could invite my friends to stop by any time, people came and went all afternoon. The cooking was minimal having all been prepared beforehand. The cookies included the coconut haystacks, herseys kisses snickerdoodles, powdered sugar nusse balls, and butterscotch bars! 

I saw recently a TV show about how to preserve recipes that were hand written onto tea towels. What a clever idea! Below is an image of my mom's handwritten version of our family breakfast casserole. It has now been passed on to my daughter and she makes this for her circle and I couldn't feel more love in the tradition moving on....yum and thank you to all the moms and dads that share special treats at this time of year.

12 Days of Christmas - Legacy

What will you leave behind when you die? Ouch! I know that is a morbid thought...but I will tell you a story that is relative to Christmas. When my dad passed, he had in his car, an arm rest from our patio chair set. It had broken and he had loaded it up to take it to the hardware store to find the right size wood to repair it. He was busy 'replacing and repairing' for our family until the moment he died.

When Greg's grandma Lenore passed away, I was invited to her apartment to see if there was anything I wanted to retrieve for keepsake. Here's a couple things I found and my heart was moved to keep; I found a nutcracker. The nutcracker had a missing boot.  Somehow that nutcracker reminded me of my childhood and I took him home with me and ever since then, I have collected nutcrackers, and it all started with the bootless one. The other thing I found, was her Christmas cards, stationary and some poems. One of the poems I found moved me a great deal. You see, Grandma Lenore wasn't on the top of anyone's friends list, but I believe in her last days she longed for family and love; that poem reminded me that Christmastime is the best time to reach out to others- marginalized, friendless, depressed and lonely. My heart remembers this every time I read the poem and I have shared it many times over the years.....I am glad this was the legacy I discovered:

"Christmas Eve" (a poem)

The door is on the latch tonight,
The hearth-fire is a glow
I seem to hear soft passing feet-
The Christchild in the snow.

My heart is open wide tonight
For stranger Kith or kin;
I would not bar a single door
Where love might enter in.

12 Days of Christmas - Greetings

I have a notebook that contains the Christmas letters I have written over the years, some are a whole page and some are just photocards. I think the farthest back I go is 1990! There are some years missing and some years I have multiple different photocards. I have saved the last Christmas card I received from my mom, and keep it with the Nativity set - it is super special. Since the days of social media, it seems that sending a postal 'Greeting Card' may be on the way out of fashion. No need for that annual letter to sum the year up - since many post regularly about what is going on in our lives. I have to admit that is an easy way to catch up with friends that live far away or are only in contact with via social media. We still enjoy receiving cards and our family still hangs them on the wall at Christmas. I admit, I save my cards for the whole year and only 'retire' them once I begin the next year's batch. Since this year I am only sending a few cards (I am sending cards to those who still send cards...) I will post what I wrote in my note for this year as one of my '12 Days' musings:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2020!

Greg suggested that I write a note that says, “Nothing has changed this year, so we don’t have much to write…” He is funny! I would love to announce that our family is growing! In the photo below you see Harriett celebrating Birthdays with Linda and Darrell – She is Ben’s fiancée! Ben and “Harry” have not set a wedding date yet, but I am really looking forward to having a daughter-in-law!

Veronica and Jason are living and working in Western Washington…much of my family is there now, in fact, all of my siblings are there except my sister Cindy, who lives in South Carolina. I have made many trips up to visit Seattle and the area this year!

We wish you the very best life has to offer, and an abundance of courage and strength when the journey is challenging, and faith and joy to keep on! Take care of each other!

Peace and blessings always – From Greg Murray and family

Pat, Ben, Veronica, and Harry and Jason, too!

I chose this photo to accompany our greeting this year because I love how good Darrell and Linda look! Ageless! AND that is Harry - our newest family member, celebrating right along with Mom and Dad! Such a sweet and joyful memory - and I so look forward to the many more memories to come!

12 Days of Christmas - Darkness

Last Night I rode my mountain bike on a dark ride. As I grow older, it becomes harder to see in low light situations and those moment punctuate aging eyes, aging body...time passing. It was cold and it was a challenge to stay motivated to keep pedaling. I thought about how I celebrate the solstice each year, and in fact, Twelfth Night, by William Shakespeare, is about the Christmas season ending in the changing of the length of days. (That hearkens to the title of my blog!)

Creator:David Michael Bellis

Copyright:Blue Rockfox Productions

Isaiah 9:2 The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.

When I consider these words, they bring a great comfort to me. Without darkness, we do not know the aid of light. Without cold, we do not know the warmth of the heat. I am always turning on extra lights in my house and maybe that is because I can't see well, but maybe it is another way I am reminding myself I need the light for freedom - to move, to progress. Have you ever suddenly had a power outage? You freeze for the moment because you are blinded with darkness! This is how the Christmas season is for me - it helps me recognize that I need a leader and a healer to be mobilized. Enjoy the dawn this day and allow the light in your heart to grow!

12 Days of Christmas - Travel

This year, for the first time since 1991, our kids are both away from home. When I learned this was happening, I bought a flight to Seattle. We spent the day with Greg's family on Christmas Day and Veronica set up a Whatsapp three way between Ben, herself and my phone and that was awesome!

12 Days of Christmas - The Virgin

A grateful heart today have I, a simple 'yes' was her reply. "Be done to me as you request, and with great love a savior blessed."

My heart is full. My eyes are open, my spirit is whole. 

12 Days of Christmas - Lifesavers

At the holidays, sometimes family can be abusive and use gatherings as opportunities to express a dissatisfaction with others.

I try to share positive experiences and memories. In this story, I am sharing a Murray family classic about how someone acting mean was actually an opportunity for another to act beautifully generous and gracious! It is often the case that there are family favorites...you know a favorite aunt, favorite son, daughter or grandchild. Adults sometimes unashamedly show that through the gifts given at Christmas (or not given). In our current world of social media it can be displayed even more easily, but that is for another blog entry.

One Christmas, Greg was given a box of lifesavers. It was one of those storybooks, like with 4 rolls of candy in two halves. Greg was a young boy, probably under 7 years old and while his cousins were enjoying the many gifts they had-fancy toys they were engaged with, he opened his candy and went to every family member in the room and offered some of his gift to all. Linda, Greg's mom relates this story proudly because she was pleased with Greg's gratitude at such a young age. She felt that he was so innocent, he wasn't aware of the slight handed to him through the Lifesavers candy book. Today while shopping with my daughter I asked her if she has seen any lifesavers storybooks...she knows this story. That small box of candy represents gratitude to our family. Gift giving isn't always easy! But I pray this year that all givers and receivers have hearts of love that always find joy in the exchange!

12 Days of Christmas - Angels

I have written about Angels before. I have a collection of angel knick-knacks and collectables. The fascination with the angel is something I have possessed for as long as I can remember. Today I encountered a statue of Michael, the Archangel. As I looked on, I said the prayer in my heart...and when I came across the part of the prayer that says 'cast into Hell all the evil spirits that roam the world seeking ruin of souls...' The angel, Michael, is always depicted with a great breast place and sword.  As I stood in front of the statue, this thought occurred to me: What if there are no evil spirits, just tormented people that create Hell for themselves through darkness and sin? Certainly there is discussion about the existence of Heaven and Hell and I can't deny, I believe that there is a final judgement. At Mass today the priest said, don't ever try to comprehend the extent of God's mercy. God wants you to live in heaven, and now, while on Earth, have peace. There are angels. We are the angels, to each other. When we are kind, we are an angel. Does that mean when we are bad, we are devils? The virgin mary told the children she has appeared to over the years, that Christmastime is the period the greatest number of souls enter heaven. Is it because when we are kind, we create Heaven on Earth. Saint Michael, share Christmas with me this year!

12 Days of Christmas - Entertaining

I was asking a friend about their family Christmas traditions and hoping to find inspiration for my next blog entry, but he told me instead about some trauma that happened when he was 3....yes, the holidays can bring out trauma for little ones as adults are doing their best adulting, sometimes they fall short. It made me wonder about how far back I could remember the holidays at our house (certainly not as far back as 3 years old) and I can remember decoration traditions pretty far back. One decoration in particular I remember is a santa seat cover that had Santa on the top and when the seat was lifted/open the same Santa face had his eyes cover with his mittens! It was so cute!

Our family did a lot of entertaining! My military family held luxurious house parties and I remember always the smell of coffee in the early morning hours (yes these parties went after midnight very often) and I remember seeing the pastries my mom would put out for her guests with the coffee to help them get home safely after having imbibed quite a bit of alcohol and gourmet foods. I remember the appetizers she used to make (bell pepper and cheddar cheese toast) and I remember silly games (cha-cha-cha train?) and I have been told about the 'great omnipotent' with the sheet. (My mom told me that story! How guests would be put under a sheet and told to take off the least valuable thing they had on -- some people took off watches, then some took of clothing....HA HA they were supposed to take off the sheet!)  Holiday entertaining is fabulous and overwhelming at the same time - be soulful and mind your own stress! I still don't know how my mom did all of it!

12 Days of Christmas; JOY

Psalm 98:4 - JOY! Gaudate - Rejoice!

If you know me well, I have said (in the last 10 years or so) that my job on the planet is to be joyful.

Sometimes its easy to just keep to myself and disengage but then, sometimes, some thing inside of me longs for laughter and child-like delight! I love the sound of JOY and I love it when I can exchange JOY and joyful energy with kindred spirits.

It takes a bit of practice to choose joy - I was created this way, but it is up to me to stay tuned into that part of me that is such a great gift from God, a joyful heart! The name of this blog is resulted in the revelation that my job, if nothing else on the planet, is to bring joy to hearts, including my own. My daughter's middle name is Joy, and yes, she is a great source of Joy to me and that namesake was because of a presentation I heard entitled 'How's your Joy?' It was a keynote at my husband's high school reunion. For truly, there is no greater joy than realizing the love of God! When I see smiles on the faces of my friends, I think to myself - this must be what heaven is like!

Bring your joy this holiday, the more you share, the greater the gift!

Apogee

A delighted heart today have I, and here's the simple reason why
as one door closes, another swings wide
the sky is dancing an apogee's tide.

The air is thick of anise and sage
footfalls quicken to mount this stage

In tandem bright-moon fully rising
in echo, the sunset turns descending.

Recording the vision, a treasure sacred -
in wonder and awe, my prayer's created.