What My Catholic Faith Means to Me

When I pause long enough to reflect on my Catholic faith, what rises first isn’t a list of doctrines or rules—it’s a sense of grounding. My faith is the quiet thread woven through the rhythm of my everyday life, sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle, but always present. It shapes the way I see the world and the way I try to move through it.

There are moments when my faith feels like a steady hand on my shoulder. In times of uncertainty or stress, I find myself returning to prayer almost instinctively—not always formal prayer, but small conversations with God throughout the day. Those moments remind me that I’m not navigating life alone. Even when I don’t have clear answers, I feel held by something larger than myself.

I remember how connected I felt with the Blessed Virgin Mary as my friend Lené and I would climb up to the statue (over the kneeler at Holy Trinity in El Cajon) and place a scapular or rosary in her hand.

I was so involved with the Legion of Mary that I took a pigrimage in 1990 to Međugorje (Yugoslavia) to the place of apparitions. I was such a loser at that time in my life, but I felt that I was able to leave a lot of evil behind and desired very badly to start over - my Mom gave me $500 to pay for some of the travel and my husband wrote a poem to commemorate that trip. It was a very special faith forming time in my life. 

My faith also influences how I treat people. The teachings I grew up with—compassion, forgiveness, dignity, service—aren’t abstract ideals. They show up in the way I listen to others, the patience I try to offer, and the choices I make when no one is watching. I don’t always get it right, but my faith nudges me toward becoming a more generous and attentive version of myself.

There have been times when I’ve felt especially connected to God, often in unexpected places: recently when I asked for help of clarity during a difficult decision I had to make, my prayers were answered with a confidence in the direction I was to take. I definitely felt like there was a much bigger picture that I wasn't fully aware of that God had in mind for me. In reflection, I think that often God reveals a path to me that leads me AWAY from sin, so, whenever I do take the path that I didn't plan all myself, I always feel that God is with me - especially when that part of my journey seems to be a steady uphill climb. 

My faith challenges me.  It invites me to trust when trusting feels hard, to forgive when forgiveness feels impossible, and to hope even when the world feels heavy. These challenges aren’t signs of weakness—they’re signs that my faith is alive, still shaping me, still calling me forward.

Recently I felt hopeless. That feeling felt sinful. I am a daughter of a king. I have no needs. Sometimes I think that I am on my own to 'make things happen' and then, out of nowhere, I am reminded that all I need to do is believe - have faith and trust. The recent struggle I have had presented me with an opportunity to ask for forgiveness. I have struggled when I need to ask for forgiveness for something I didn't feel was my doing, but 2025 presented me with some profound opportunities to let past ghosts fade away completely through forgiving and asking forgiveness. I have been trying to forgive myself as well as forgive others. I have asked for grace to feel true contrition and let go of past hurts. I am almost there - again, what has 2025 brought to me? It has given me a chance to heal and resolve to do better.

Ultimately, my Catholic faith gives me a sense of purpose. It reminds me that my life is connected to something meaningful, something sacred. It helps me understand who I am, what I value, and what I am worth. It’s not perfect, and neither am I, but it continues to guide me, comfort me, and inspire me in ways I’m still discovering.

I have often said to myself and others, "I am an imperfect person that loves conditionally. God is perfect and loves perfectly." This is not an excuse for shortcomings, but a statement of resolve and humility. We were created in the likeness and image of God - and I have learned that means we can love almost with the same perfection as the creator. 'To love unconditionally' would mean to be patient and kind, forgiving and joyful. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. To me, this is a challenge to stay positive, joyful and "see" the goodness in our lives. 

I feel like one of the other things that 2025 has 'given' to me is the chance to see the terrible things going on around me and the opportunity to discern what is important and what is not - what is real and what is a distraction. I don't mean to say that I 'turn a blind eye', but I mean to say that I have had many opportunities to forgive and be understanding - not only with others, but with myself.  It also gives me the opportunity to speak up or not, and know when holding my tougne is more effective to bring about change than calling out wrongs. Learning how to 'care just a little bit less' is difficult. I am still such a novice. 

12 Days - Waiting

It seems as though I have been waiting for the 'end' of many things for some time now. This year has brought about lots of 'final' things, but I still find myself feeling like I'm in purgatory, punished ...waiting. l missed the first Sunday in Advent this year, but was extremely fortunate in that I didn't have to wait 3 hours at a train station. An angel allowed me to, not only get on an early train, but I was offered the first class car. 

So it was hours later, laying in bed searching youtube for a Mass to watch, where I found time with God and a profound message as I drifted in and out of consciousness, the homily was all about - waiting -.

I cried listening to that message that just told me to wait. 

I've never been so good at that, and definitely failed waiting gracefully this year. 

It's not uncanny that over the last few months I've been learning bread-making. This is definitely a task that involves waiting.

Especially sour-dough...we wait for the yeast to grow, that can take a week. We wait for the flour and water to autolyse, that takes an hour. We wait for the dough to come together . . . stretch and fold . . . 4 hours. We proof or bench rest for four more hours or overnight. Then finally we bake...and that is one of the quickest parts of the process! The darkest hour is just before the dawn - 

That phrase — “the darkest hour is just before the dawn” — is a metaphor rather than a literal observation of nature. It’s meant to capture a universal human experience:

• Hope after hardship: It suggests that even when circumstances feel most difficult, relief or improvement is often close at hand.
• Cycles of struggle and renewal: Just as night inevitably gives way to morning, periods of despair or challenge often precede growth, healing, or success.

12 Days - Repentance

Contrition, regret, sorrow, culpability...I was searching for a more descriptive word that illustrates changing directions in terms of bad habits and selfish short sided choices, but repentance is really the only word that describes what we are called to do this second Sunday in Advent. Wait, prepare, anticipate, and rejoice! What ways do I need to repent? There are so many...but the second part of repentance is conversion. What steps will I take to change and make a meaningful and permanent change?

This December I sent a letter of apology and asked for forgiveness, but I don't think I really have a handle on how I can move towards being a better person. 

Repentance means feeling genuine sorrow for wrongdoing and making a sincere commitment to change. It’s not just regret—it involves turning away from harmful actions and moving toward better choices.

In relationships, repentance often involves both words (apology) and actions (changed behavior). 

Why It Matters

• Personal growth: Repentance helps people learn from mistakes.
• Healing relationships: It rebuilds trust when paired with accountability.
• Spiritual renewal: In faith traditions, it’s often seen as the path to forgiveness and transformation.

In short, repentance is more than feeling sorry—it’s about recognizing wrongs, experiencing genuine remorse, and actively choosing a better way forward.